To My Patrick
My Patrick. My dear, dear Patrick. My forever mine Patrick.
Why am I writing a letter to my dead husband?!!! Dead–such a hard word to even use in connection with you, with us, with what we could have been, with what we wanted to be.
DEAD. My God!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But YES.
I told myself after you died that I would be committed to saying yes more often. Yes to all life had to show me. Yes to all I could give to life. Yes.
And now I have to say yes to your death. Yes to OUR death. WE are no longer. All you are, all you were, all we were, will forever be infused within me and carried forward in my ability to continue living and loving. Forever in our 4 beautiful living and loving children–Daniel, Joseph, Thomas, and Laura.
Stay with me. Stay with us!
You were so beautiful. So imperfectly perfect.
WE were so beautiful. So perfectly imperfect.
We were simple. We were honest. We were truthful and trying. We were hopeful. Idealists. Strove to live the best to enjoy the now. And to enjoy the future. You were always looking forward, worried about making the right choices now so that your family’s future would be good. happy. provided for. loved. protected.
You had such an admiringly strong sense of confidence in yourself which radiated to all those around you. A strong, yet very caring, leader. Such a strong balance of gentleness, compassion, insight, sensibility, and…YES…insensibility.
You changed me. You gave me strength. You gave me confidence.
You never quit as a father or as a husband.
……….that’s all I can muster for now. More later……….
I love you forever,
Nancy
