Today, my sister Mary took Daniel and me to the license bureau so Daniel could get his driver’s education permit (yes, I am that old).

The last time I was at the license bureau was this past August, a few weeks after Pat died.  I had to sign Pat off of the cars’ titles and registrations.  That was excruciating.

Today, I was sitting at the bureau with Daniel in the exact same chair as I had sat back in August.  I was remembering how I had broken down and cried in front of the BMV workers back then.  I am so much stronger now, I thought.

Then, the worker asked Daniel if he wanted to be an organ donor.  Daniel hesitated and asked for clarification.  The woman explained in a perfunctory manner.  An immediate, definite “Yes” came out of Daniel followed be a big lump swallowed in his throat.  Then she asked if he wanted total or partial donation. . .

. . . Too much dwelling on an issue so raw and painful still.

I explained to the worker why her questioning was difficult for us.  I broke down crying.  I found myself signing all the documents with blurry eyes and convulsing hand.  Just like last time.

Pat would want to be a part of Daniel’s hitting this milestone.


This Post Has 7 Comments

  1. Pam Lawrence

    I will be so hard for so long…but it’s sounds like you are seeing a little clearer…the fog is clearing?

    I hope so…God Bless you all 🙂

  2. Hannah

    I am thinking of you on this Christmas morning. I am sure you are surrounded by people who love you, but I wanted to let you know that you can always call me to talk, for anything. I feel so blessed and appreciative that Patrick and your family came into my lives. I love you and will be here anytime you need me.

  3. Angel Konkey

    Nancy and children,
    Just wanted you to know that I check on you through this site almost every day. I keep you in my prayers, especially at Christmas. I pray for your peace, comfort, and happiness. Hang in there!

  4. Sharon wonnacott

    Dear Nancy and family,
    Just hope you had a good Christmas I know it was a hard one. You were and are in my thoughts all the time. Please know we are with you and always will be. You have touched so many hearts and now it is our turn to help touch yours so you can be the Mom for your children again.
    Love and prayers Sharon

  5. Paul

    Hi Nancy,
    I wanted to wish you a happy new year. I am working at Memorial on their step-down cardiac unit. I love working their. Last week I had the opportunity to talk to the nurse who took care of Pat in the ICU. He talked about what it was like taking care of Pat. I won't go into much detail because I do not have the right to reveal his thoughts. I only bring it up because I found talking to him helped put things in perspective. I am caring for so many patients on my unit. My experience with Pat and his nurse has helped me look at caring for those patients in a new light. Many times patients have family in the room all day. It can be intimidating to say the least. But when I look at it from the perspective of the family/ friends, it helps me relax and appreciate the fact that the patient has so much support. Pat has a lot to teach us if we only open your minds and hearts to the experience. I miss Pat. He is still a role model for me. I hope you and your family can take solace in that Pat will always live on in our hearts.

    Peace and respect,
    Paul and Jenny

  6. Hannah Marie

    I second Paul's comments. Pat has taught me so much. I miss him tremendously! I can also tell you that there is not a day that goes by when I am working that I worry I am not the nurse that he would have been. I wonder if I make the nursing judgments he would, if I am smart enough, if I care enough. He races through my practice constantly. I'm constantly wondering if this were to happen, how would I react not only as a nurse, but as a nurse and student of Pat's fervor for health care. I can never truly understand your pain, but I think we all can share with you the reminders of Pat found everywhere in life. I carry Pat's funeral card in my wallet, laminated. "I did not die." He's found all around us. I hope that it was some consolation to know this during the holiday season that was so hard for you. I want to be there to give you a big hug right now. Instead I will invoke a memory, simply think of the best hug you've ever had. Hope this makes things a little easier. Also, hope your work is coming along as you would like. Good luck with it!

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