Today, while looking around our bedroom, I lingered by Patrick’s dresser. The top of his dresser has always been his “untouchable” spot–where he could put anything and know that the kids weren’t allowed to touch anything on it and even I would not move anything or attempt to clean it. It’s not the neatest dressertop–dusty, filled with all kinds of odds and ends from wrist bandages to boat epoxy to sport drinking systems for his marathon races.
I hesitated to touch or move anything, but when I did, a small wrinkled piece of paper with my writing came into sight. It was a letter I had written to him on Father’s Day back in 1995 when Daniel was our only child with hopes of more children to come.
Patrick and I didn’t write notes to eachother very often, so I saw this letter as an oddity. I wanted to share it here, because it exemplifies how I still feel about my beautiful husband.
My dearest Patrick,
What a day to celebrate! Your being the father of my precious child has completely changed my life–our life together. It hurts to imagine life without you or Daniel. We are joined deeply–there is now a bond between us that could not and should not be severed.
Just yesterday I was thinking about how happy I am with you. I have never been more happy in my life–truly happy. I get tears in my eyes when I think of our love and our life. The profound magnificence of what we share is, I believe, “holy”.
After talking with and looking at most people and families in our life, it surely is a wonderful feeling I have to know with certainty that my children have the best father for them. All my life I have given thought to what I would want for my children. I now know that these things would be impossible without you.
Patrick, I love you. Our children are truly blessed to have you.
As I type this letter, a strong breeze continues to waft in, gently blowing my face and hair. Patrick is touching and holding me.