My Precious Sister

Joey’s Victim Impact Letter
October 9, 2008
3 Months
October 16, 2008

My Precious Sister

I just wanted to say a few words about my sweet little sister, Nancy. I love her so very much, no one can understand the bond with, and love I have for Nancy. I love all of my sisters and brothers equally, but Nancy has been extra special to me. After my husband died, I felt I could not go on, I could not take care of my boys, I just couldn’t face my life, or living in general. She took care of my children for me, listened to me, came to my rescue many times, researched ways to help me, and literally saved MY life. I only bring this up to illustrate what a thoughtful, kind, caring, loving person she is. She is the type of person that is there for a person through good times and bad, and always goes the extra mile to help someone who is in need.

Right now it is Nancy who is struggling to go on every minute of every day. Each minute that passes, is one more minute away from the last time she talked to Pat, the last time she heard his voice, saw his smile, felt his warm hug. These days are the most difficult for her so far. She is able to put up a strong front every day.

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I found this entry above in the “drafts” section on this site.  I began writing this on September 6th, but don’t know now why I didn’t finish it.  Obviously I still feel the same about Nancy, and unfortunately she still feels the same about trying to live without Pat.  He was EVERYTHING to her.  He gave her life, he gave her strength, he gave her love, he was always there for her in good times and bad, he always went the extra mile too.  Nancy and Pat were as perfect a couple as any could be.  They had a relationship I can only dream of, one that I don’t see in real life very often.  They built up each other’s strengths and both were better people for having been together.

I didn’t realize until I just now read my email, but Nancy went and spoke today to some nursing students about her experience with Pat’s death.  I can’t even imagine how hard that has to be for her to do, but she continues to strive for reaching out to others, and to do the most good she can everywhere she goes, just like Pat did.  The busy-ness of life has to go on, and with my work schedule and all our kids’ sports and school schedules, I don’t see Nancy as often as I would like to.  I hate this feeling of being disconnected.

I hope all of you out there still thinking of Nancy don’t feel disconnected from her.  She still needs every one of you.  It helps her more than you can imagine, just knowing you all are still out there, reading this site, thinking of her and Pat, and of their kids, and still caring about her.  Please, anyone who reads this, can you post a response or send a private email, to let Nancy know you are there?  With the passage of time, we all tend to believe that she “must be going on with her life”, and she IS, but she is still needing all of our love and support more than ever.

Even through her incredible grief, she was so strong to be there for ME yesterday when I had to have my dog put to sleep.  I couldn’t bear to watch her die, but Nancy was the strong one, and stayed with Dolly in her last moments.  Nancy is like that – she is so full of life, love and an extraordinary strength that I don’t think even she realizes.  Some days the pain of losing Pat is so intense she can’t even bear to look at pictures of him or listen to music that reminds her of him, but even on these days, she still finds the strength within to help her son with his intensely difficult homework, to be there for our parents as my dad is sick and dealing with his cancer and chemotherapy side effects, and to help me with my dying pet.  She is an extraordinary person, and I just wanted to tell the whole world about my sweet, precious sister.

Love, Mary

2510 Comments

  1. dawsyw3 says:

    I have never stopped looking and reading this site and will continue to do so. It is in my personal file. I check it every single day. I too lost a husband 23 years ago and it is still hard. I did have the luck to recently five years now find a wonderful man to marry. He helps me now over the rough days I still have. Little things can set you off.
    Nancy even if I do not post pleaase know I am always out here. Your childrens letters are so touching and heat wrenching. I cry ever time I read them. You are very lucky to have such a close knit family.
    My prayers are with you everyday
    Love Sharon(Dawsy)

  2. Paul_Jenny says:

    Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death
    they would be asked two questions
    and their answers would determine
    whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife.
    The first question was, “Did you bring joy?”
    The second was, “Did you find joy?”

    ~ Leo Buscaglia ~

    Hi Nancy. I found this quote and I thought I would pass it on to you. I believe Pat could answer “yes” to both questions. Pat brought joy to others . In you and his family he found joy. Have peace.

    Peace and respect,
    Paul

  3. Pam Lawrence says:

    Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are.

    ~ Houssaye ~

    Until I lost my Mother unexpectedly last year, My advice would have been empty. But I now have made it through the storm and I sort of feel like I am a messenger.

    One of the greatest things about my Mother was that she was a part of me…how lucky I am to have been connected to her. Such a strong, gentle, caring soul.

    You are so lucky to have known and loved Pat. You are faced with many hills ahead, but I’m sure your memory bank is overflowing with scenes of Pat’s love, smiles and laughter. Those thought will help you through this storm.

    I still am not able to look at pictures…but each day gets better.

    I hope peace is something you feel very soon.

  4. Angel40 says:

    I come here often, not every day, but several times a week. I don’t think I ever got the chance to actually meet Pat. I met Nancy thru a Homeschooling group and the minute I met her, I knew that she was a special person. And just by the way she talked about Pat, I knew he was equally a special person. I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain. Nancy, if you ever need anything, please do not hesitate to call on me. Know that you and the kids are in my thoughts always!