The last few weeks I have been in a searching mode. I’m vulnerable. I’m open to all new thoughts, beliefs, ideas, awarenesses. I plead for direct, absolute, indisputable answers, although I know this grief journey will only lead me back to the ambiguity of life.
Lyrical messages, natural metaphors, dreams, coincidences, and signs abound teasingly. Teasingly, because the messages come to me strongly, yet my mind grapples with them until they’re virtually neutralized. Grief has opened my soul rawly to the world, nature, love, and the abyss of unknowing.
I have been changed–I am changing. I feel as though I’m in a cocoon–I don’t know what I’ll become, though. I had no idea the severity of pain metamorphosis endures.
Our pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
-Kahlil Gibran
The shell is still breaking.
Just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you daily. Thanks again for sharing with us Thursday night. Hang in there.
nancy–
your ability to put your feelings into words is so profound! my heart breaks simply reading your words. do remember:
“i beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. live the questions now…”
you’re so strong to investigate these questions! i know that patrick would be so proud of you for seeking the questions and soaking them in. i love you and am listening.
I’d like to second what Hannah said… Nancy, you definitely have a way with words. wow. I love that you’ve put music up on the site, because it’s always been something I turn to in tough times. It helps me sort my emotions, to enhance them, and to better understand them. Have you ever considered writing a song for Patrick? I think you would be an amazing songwriter, especially with all this raw emotion you’re feeling.
I’d like to second Nissa’s thought and third Hannah’s.
You obviously have so many gifts, but one that stands out is your way with words and how they inter-mingle with your feelings.
What a beautiful tribute a song or poem would be.
Maybe you’ll share it or maybe you won’t. Either way, I’m sure it would help with some healing…
Wishing you smiles today…