Six Months

Six months have passed since Pat died.  Half a year.

How have I been living without him for so long?!

The last month has been so up and down for me.  I tried to ignore the holidays, let them just slip by unnoticed while I hide out in my room.  Fortunately, my family and this wonderful community did NOT let Christmas pass unobserved.  I could NOT give my kids what they really want and need.  But, this community banded together and gave them some material happiness.  I am forever grateful!

I’ve begun looking forward a bit at a time.  I’ve even experienced some glimmers of hope.  When I come off the high of hope, though, I hit bottom so severely.

The snow is beautiful.  This winter has had plenty of sunshiney days.  I was so afraid of the typical South Bend winter with gloomy, dark days.  The snow brightens everything, and when the sun shines, I am overcome with hope and beauty.

While hiding away this last month, I’ve been doing some intensive group therapy via the internet.  There is an internet message board for young widows.  I have spent hours and hours of my time reading and sharing my grief with others who have been through so many of the same feelings as I have had.  It’s been good for me–I think better than a once-a-month (or week) real-life support group.  The anonymity of the internet has allowed us widows to really be honest, candid, and outright about what we’re dealing with.

I look back at the last six months and see such a fog, a blur.  Each day that I lived for these months, I really thought I was rational, aware, and present.  I tried to be.  It’s amazing, though, what the emotional brain and shock can do.  My mental capacity and attention span have severely suffered.

I have been attempting to do some web design jobs again.  It’s been a sorry struggle to stay focused on work.  I know I’ll improve, but it’s been tough dealing with an emotional brain.

Thank you to all of you who have inquired about me during this last month!

I send my love to all of you,


This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Angel Konkey

    I am relieved to know that you are hanging in there and surviving! Glad to hear that you have internet friends/supporters who truly know what you are going through. Nancy, there is no timetable for grief; it is a long journey. There are many people thinking about you and praying for you all.

  2. Melody

    Sending you continued strength and am also glad you have the support you do. I found the cyber support the best, was just there when needed, 3 a.m. or not.

    Hugs to you and yours,


  3. Sharon Wonnacott

    Thank you Nancy for letting us all know you are a survivor. We are all here for you as is your support group. Much love and prayers coming your way.

  4. Diana Crisp

    Nancy…Our love and prayers will always be with you and the your family……..thought of you alot during Christmas and New Year. We know that life must go on but when we loose someone we love, it's not easy. God be with you all……….
    Love you ……………………

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