Look your last at all things lovely every hour. ~Walter de la Mare
I feel as though I’ve been to the depths of life and tasted its core. Having been there, how do I now continue on with the inanities of living? Having been there, have I discovered the answers to the mysteries of LIFE? I’ve wrestled with these mysteries. I’ve explored them. I’m in the process of learning to embrace them.
Once again, I return to journal writings from a different me, long ago. Trying to get a grasp:
November 13, 1990
From living in the present, I have come to see life as beautiful. Even the struggles in life–especially the struggles–they give me a sense of accomplishment, something to work for, something to learn from. Sometimes the beauty of life, of the NOW, takes hold of me and tingles, affects, invigorates all of me—to the deepest core–so much so that I want to burst!!
I want to write. To express. Ideas. Core thinking. Beauty of life thinking. BEAUTY. LIFE. Beautiful words. How to express? What to do? What to be? Yes.
Live NOW! This moment. In the present…
Appreciate this moment. Value it. Love it. Notice it. Experience it. Taste it. Drink it. Feel it. Express it. Shout it.
Say it. Share it. Laugh it. Smile it. Cry it. Know it. Want it. Be it. Pray it.
Think it. Touch it. Hear it. See it. Embrace it. Kiss it. Remember it. Memorize it. Breathe it. Chills-down-the-spine it.
Create it. Capture it. Let it. Explode it. Enjoy it.
Do this each moment!
Trust. Now. Feel. Risk. Act. Respond. Love. Self. Me. Present. Accept. Power. Can. Create. Goals. Dream. Do, Smile, Cry.
I’ve tried to live up to these words long ago. Can I now?
I would not exchange the laughter of my heart for the fortunes of the multitudes, nor would I be content with converting my tears, invited by my agonized self, into calm. It is my fervent hope that my whole life on this earth will ever be
TEARS AND LAUGHTER
Tears that purify my heart and reveal to me the secret of life and its mystery,
Laughter that brings me closer to my fellow men;
Tears with which I join the broken-hearted,
Laughter that symbolizes joy over my very existence.