Thoughts

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday, Pat.  We miss you.

Read More

Now and Forever

I’m slowly, agonizingly starting to accept that the physical Pat and the dynamics of our growing relationship are done.  The here and now with my Patrick is over.  We had a beginning and an end. But I am continuing.  And who I am now is forever immersed and entangled within the soul of my relationship with Pat.  Does this make any sense?  I am a new me, forever changed.  I will continue on.  Changing.  But always touched and influenced by Pat. Carol King’s Now and Forever speaks to me deeply and helps me place Pat in my life now: Now

Read More

One Year

One year.  One whole year!  We have come full circle.  We have experienced all the holidays, all the birthdays, all the seasons, all the newnesses that a full year can bring. All without Pat.  Patrick–my husband, our Papa, our uncle, our brother, our son, our friend, our mentor, our coach, our classmate, our coworker, our competitor, our student, our fellow community member.  He was a lot.  He was everything to me and my children. I want to write about all his life and death and this past year have been for me.  I do believe I have the strength to

Read More

From Kelly, Reflections

July 16, 2009 Nancy and I went for a walk in the woods this morning. We talked and grieved and remembered. A year ago today her life, my life, that of my family and the lives of some of my closest friends irrevocably changed. At 7:15 in the morning on July 16, 2008 I received a voicemail from Nancy saying that Pat had been hit by a car. It was already after 8 by the time I listened to her shaky messageI was at the hospital within minutes and there I stayed for the next several hours. “Traumatic brain injury,

Read More

To My Patrick

My Patrick.  My dear, dear Patrick.  My forever mine Patrick. Why am I writing a letter to my dead husband?!!!  Dead–such a hard word to even use in connection with you, with us, with what we could have been, with what we wanted to be. DEAD.  My God!!  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But YES. I told myself after you died that I would be committed to saying yes more often.  Yes to all life had to show me.  Yes to all I could give to life.  Yes. And now I have to say yes to your death.  Yes to OUR death.  WE are

Read More

Facing An Empty Dawn

These are the words to a speech I gave at the First Unitarian Church in South Bend.  My sister Julie also videotaped the speech, and it can be found on YouTube in 3 parts. My children and I were dealt a major, devastating blow to our lives on July 16, 2008—a blow that has and will continue to cataclysmically change who we are and ever will be.  On that early morning, at dawn actually, the man I had vowed to love all the days of my life, the loving and attentive father of my 4 children was riding his bicycle

Read More

Happy Father’s Day

Oh, Papa.  What has happened since you’ve died! Sigh. It’s hard to say.  You died. Okay.  Well, a lot has happened. I turned 8, I turned 9, and my tenth birthday is almost coming up.  We moved into a new house.  We got a new puppy.  I’m not scared of Uncle Chris anymore!  Actually, I probably couldn’t have done it with you AND him gone!  I mean, it’s so, so hard without just you!  I think about you every single day.  I miss your touch.  I miss those nights when I was cold and you hugged me until I was

Read More

I Need Your Love

Here is a video I created several months ago–still pictures put to U2’s version of “Unchained Melody”.  This song was the music that was put to our official wedding video.

Read More

The Riddle

I sent Danny away to college in Massachusetts this past August. It was a painful, bittersweet milestone; one that I rationally accepted as inevitable, yet emotionally had difficulty accepting without my partner in raising him for this moment. I created several video slideshows for Danny. Here’s one in honor of Danny and his relationship with Pat. The beginning questions were written by Danny at age 14 and read in a full courtroom in front of Shane McGee, his father’s killer:

Read More