Why Do I Write?

I have so many thoughts, issues, and experiences I want to write about. For starters, what are the reasons I write on this blog that I know is public and open to anyone and everyone?  Why should I expose my feelings to the wide open internet abyss?

Many reasons.

  • I started this blog as a practical way of letting friends and family know how Pat was doing in the hospital.  This eliminated the need to call a long list of people every day to update them on his status.
  • I wanted Pat to be able to read about everything that happened when he woke up from his coma.
  • The news of Pat’s accident spread like wildfire, and I soon realized that his life had affected many more people than I had even realized.  The comments to this blog came pouring in, and I found them to be uplifting to me.  The outpouring of support buoyed me while I faced such difficult times. After Pat died, the support was my lifeline.
  • I found that my writing on this site was quite therapeutic to me.
  • I don’t want Pat’s memory to EVER die.
  • It’s a way for me to mourn yet feel productive.
  • I feel indebted to this community who has been there for me through the hardest time of my life.  I don’t want to lose this connectedness.  The love and kindness my family has received feels like a gift Pat left for me.
  • I have things I want to say.  Bicycle Safety.  Drunken Driving.  Restorative Justice.  Grief.  I could never have imagined the many layers and dimensions to grief.  I read about death in the newspaper every day, pause, and continue.  Grief is so removed from general society, so personal.  Should it always be that way?
  • Maybe my dreams will come true and he will come back and want to read about what happened while he was gone.
  • Never?!

This Post Has 2,536 Comments

  1. betsywenz@yahoo.com

    Please keep writing. I’m still out here reading and hoping for good things for you and your family.

  2. Jennifer Isenhart


    We are all here for you. Praying for you….just remember there are people out here who care about you.

  3. Nissa

    Hi Nancy,

    I got back from my trip late on Halloween. That next day (Saturday) I listened to a message from my mom saying that they were having a birthday party for 3 of my cousins that night at my grandparent’s house. I skipped my plans with friends and went. The next morning as we walked out of church my favorite grandpa collapsed in my cousin’s arms. My uncle (a fireman) and I worked on him until the ambulance came… which took forever because we were out in the middle of nowhere. They finally got him to the ER and ran tests. The doctor wouldn’t give me a straight answer as to what was going on. I was so frustrated and upset. After a few hours he told me they were going to move him upstairs for “comfort measures.” I was shocked. We were shocked. He was healthy. Because I’m the nurse in the family now people were all asking me about what was going on, but without a straight answer I was met with blank stares. ugh. It was awful. He took his last breath early that Monday morning. I’ve never cried so hard in my life.

    I guess I’m writing all this to you because I’m worried about my grandma. She seems to be doing fine now, but I remember you felt fine after Pat’s funeral. Have you found that anything has helped as you’ve gone through these stages of grief and mourning? Is there anything I can do for her or say to her? I feel so awful that you and my grandma have lost your partners. I feel helpless and sad and it’s depressing. It’s put me in a funk, in a cloud.

    I hope you’re having a good day today. I think of you often. I love you and I’m sorry you have to go through this.


  4. carolann19


    Your writing is so amazing!! Sharing it helps others and hopefully allows you to get what you are feeling out in the open. Making it day by day is great and we are always here for you. I love you!


  5. tracy

    The other day i was driving, and saw the white bike on the side of the road, and quickly wrote down the website attached to it. every time i see things like that, it makes me realize how precious life really is, and after reading throughout everything you have posted on here, it makes my heart break. i know you don’t know me. but you will be in my prayers.

    stay strong, God gave you this life because he knew you were strong enough to live it.

    many people will never understand the way you feel right now,

    but i believe that at the end of every horrible fall is a new awakening, and i hope you soon realize what is meant for you and your family.

    God is near, and has an extraordinary life planned for you and your family, don’t give up, and keep smiling,

    and there’s no way memory of such an amazing person will ever fade, specially with such amazing person here pursuing his life.

    im sorry for your loss, truly, and i hope that great things come your way in the near future,

    my name is tracy martin and im a sophomore at iusb, and i know it seems silly to just leave you a random comment on here, but i truly hope that some amazing things come your way…. feel free to email me @ tracynicole88@hotmail.com, i dont know what i can do to help, but if there’s anything, i will try my hardest.

    i hope you have a wonderful week, you definitely deserve it for being such a strong woman.

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